Just 11 months ago, I packed up all I owned to move cities, leaving my dear home of 13 years behind. I wasn't sure what awaited us in our new home, but we quickly adjusted and came to love it. I never could have imagined loving the city so much, and I surely never imagined the incredible friendships God would bless me with here.
I do miss the home where I grew up, but I wouldn't change a thing about our move. God brought us here to the perfect place at the perfect time. I've grown more independent, spent so much more time with my friends in person, learned how to go through a big transition as a family, and been reminded of how God works in surprising ways for our good and His glory.
Of course, when we moved here, I knew it was just for these 11 short but sweet months. Yet somehow, in that time, it's come to feel like I've been here forever, and yet again, I prepare to leave my dear home. This time though, as I pack up, it's to move countries as I head back to the U.S. for college.
I'm thankful that in my last move I have learned to be more independent - soon I'll be living on my own, an ocean away from my family. I'm thankful for the transition we went through as a family - I didn't think I would like living here, but it has been one of the best years of my life. I don't expect to like living in the States, but now I have a clear reminder that God can do the unexpected - who knows what He has in store for my time there?
This last month, I have created two pieces expressing how I feel about this transition. There's also two songs that have really put words to what I feel in leaving here. The first is "Leaving" by Haddie Grace. My favorite lines are:
"And this time when it comes time to leave I want it to hurt so much it’s hard to breathe That way I can know at least This place mattered to me
When it comes time to leave I want to cry so much it’s hard to see That way I can know at least You really mattered to me You meant something to me"
Moving here, I wanted to invest in the places and relationships here. I didn't want to be distant in an attempt to protect myself when it inevitably came time to say goodbye. I wanted it to hurt when I said goodbyes and left, because I knew that meant this place and the people here mattered to me. And as I've already said some goodbyes, and as I pack up to leave in five days, I can say that it does hurt, but that's what I wanted. I've met so many people who have come to mean so much to me, and I have grown to see the beauty of this place. I am leaving so much behind - friends, family, brothers and sisters, a community of people like me, the country that's been my home as long as I can remember, and the only life I've known.
Leaving Behind
The second song is "New Start" by Weary Friend:
"I'm packing up and I'm moving out
And I'm walking across the stage
Into a world that I've never seen
And they ask me where I'm going
And they ask me what I see ahead
But if I'm being completely honest
I can't see a thing...
And I can't see Him but I hear His voice
And He's guiding me through all the noise
When I can't trace His hand, I'll trust His heart
Even in this new start"
This is a new start for me. I'll be in a country that I only ever remember visiting, not living in. I will be starting at North Greenville University this fall where I'll study Studio Art. Beyond that, I don't know what I see ahead. I don't know what the future holds for me, where I'll live or settle down, or what I will be doing. But I trust that God will guide me through all this change and through whatever the future holds, because I have seen and I know that He is good and faithful.
I'm excited for the change despite everything I leave behind. I know a few people at the university, and I've begun to meet some new people also starting there this fall. I'm excited to meet new people, to get out of my comfort zone, to grow in confidence, to grow in my faith, to grow in my art, to have in-person art teachers and to be surrounded by other artists, and to discover what God wants me to do with my life. It won't be an easy change, but I know it will be good, and I'm thankful for God's faithfulness wherever I am.
Looking Ahead